she’s a girl with glasses

stood up
April 28, 2010, 8:08 am
Filed under: blog, Uncategorized, writing | Tags: , , , ,

I am excellent at becoming crippled by fear.

Painfully shy in person (you had no idea, did you?), I can convince myself, readily and without much effort, to be afraid of someone, something, a situation, a thought– anything. I am a person who needs to plan, and then can absolutely terrify myself out of those same plans. Invite me to a party two weeks in advance? Thanks for the notice! I might be pleased after planning the evening, but the closer that party gets, the more panic sets in, and, by the night of said event, it’s likely I won’t go.

You can imagine how this affects every area of my life, personal and professional.

My novel is finished. I have edited it and discussed it with several people whose opinions I value. It’s good, and I believe it’s good. I know there are other people who would find it good as well, and to deliver it to those people, it needs to be published.

Plans, plans, plans. Looking up agents, working on a query letter, formatting and reformatting the manuscript to follow specifications. Composing blurbs and ways to distill my work into 140 characters (another post: Twitter and what it’s doing to my life and yours). I love planning. I can write a formal letter to knock your socks off. SASE? I have fantastic handwriting.

It’s early, the panic, but it’s there. The funny thing is: I’m not afraid of rejection, not at all. I expect it and welcome it and believe it makes me a better person. It’s the process this time that is making me feel nauseous.

Time for a soundtrack. Breathe in, breathe out, and stop overthinking.


1 Comment so far
Leave a comment

Still my hero, you are 🙂 And I KNOW I’ll see that book on the shelves someday soon.

Comment by Laila

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